Thursday, February 11, 2010
Let's Talk Relationships--Why Is It Better to Love and Know Yourself First?
"You complete me." Everyone loved that line from Jerry McGuire. When he told her this, our hearts melted. Yes this makes great reading and wonderful movie writing for romance, but it isn't what love is when it comes to real relationships. We should never be looking for our other half or someone to complete us. We should be whole before we decide to join that other person's world. Otherwise, we are just asking for trouble. I'm not saying that we aren't constantly growing and learning as a person because we are. But what I am saying is that you shouldn't expect that the other person will help you to become who you want to be or that you will be able to change the other person. You cannot change anyone! Let me say it again. YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE! Did ya get that?
I was lucky. I met my husband in college. We had the same values and beliefs. We had the same religion. Our families grew up in the same area. We both wanted the same things out of life. We both wanted to have good jobs and a family. These were not negotiable. Also, we could both stand on our own two feet. We were individual people who happened to love other individual people. We were not 2 halves, but rather 2 wholes that came together. As we have grown together, we have both changed a bit, but ultimately we have not changed for the other person, but for ourselves. We have changed because we have grown as individual people within a relationship.
That is a really wonderful thing! Now that I see it in writing I realize how special our relationship truly is.
We have had some really big issues that we have had to face, that we faced together. We did it together, as a couple made up of 2 very whole, very full individuals, very true-to-oneself and true-to-one's beliefs, not of two half persons. We have moved three times to three different states. We have gone through my many chronic illnesses, which has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. I have had a hip replacement, and 7 other surgeries. And now I am awaiting surgery for a right total shoulder replacement. We have also been trying to adopt a child for about 6 years with a lot of let-downs. But we continue to remain strong, and I owe that to our strength as individuals, as whole persons.
Sure, I lean on him in times of need, as he does to me, but we are a couple. It is a relationship, and a relationship is a give and take. We help each other. We are each other's best friend. Thank God for that, otherwise every time we move to a new state, I would not know anyone. Now I can say I have a best friend in every state that we move to! How great is that!
So my advice to you is to make sure you know yourself. Now I mean know who you are. You have so much time to go through spiritual self-discovery to realize you ultimate God-given reason for your being here, your human purpose. But be able to live without another person holding your hand, so that you are not having to rely on another half. Don't seek another half or a soul mate. Actually, you may have many soul mates--friends, family members, a husband, your pets, etc. Or you may not even have a soul mate at all. The verdict is still out on that if there really is such a thing. Don't rely on physical attraction alone or on someone that will help your career or fame. That relationship won't last. Look for someone who has similar beliefs and values as you do. A relationship based on similarities always works best. Now there are people who are opposites, who swear that opposites attract. I just always think that they are focusing on the opposite things and not on the things that they have in common. I would bet they have a lot more things in common than not.
So good luck in finding Love for this Valentine's Day! Maybe Cupid will hit you with his arrow!