Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Do You Believe In Angels?...You Will!

I thought it would be nice to share a story with you that happened to me back in 2004. I was just about to have surgery on my right shoulder, but my left shoulder also needed surgery. Both shoulders were pretty bad! I had horrible range of motion and strength.  Both were affected by avascular necrosis stage III, and had bone that had already separated from the ball and was just floating around in there!  My Orthopaedic Surgeon was gonna go in and remove the necrotized bone that had broken off and arthroscopically clean the shoulders all out. I was gonna have the right shoulder done in '04 and the left in '06. Anyway, you get the idea that I was in excruciating pain! If you don't know anything about avascular necrosis pain, the bone pain of AVN is second to that of bone cancer. It is deep withing the marrow. The blood supply doesn't get to the joint so the joint dies, and then it collapses, and then the final result is to replace the collapsed joint.

So at the time, I was no longer working because I was already on disability after my left hip had collapsed from the AVN.  I had it replaced in December of '03.  I wanted to still do some of the things that I had done when I was working as a diabetes educator, so I did a lot of volunteer work. I was volunteering as a diabetes educator with the Fayette County Diabetes Coalition in Kentucky at the time. I did a lot of public health education, workshops, education in churches, schools and health fairs. This particular story pertains to a particular health fair that took place in Lexington, Kentucky at a Gold's Gym. They were holding the health fair at the time that I encountered something that I would consider miraculous!

I had to bring my own table and table cloth. I carried in all my own samples and my glucose meter. I had 4 boxes full of handouts. There were leaflets, brochures, books, pamphlets, you name it. The boxes were heavy, the health fair was being held on walking/running track, it was on the second floor, and there wasn't an elevator!  There was one plus; I got to park in the closest parking spot because I had a disabled parking tag. I pulled in, and I popped the trunk. I grabbed the card table first, and I began my many trips in and out of the gym, up and down the steps. I would bet I made a trip in and out 5 times, which was up the steps 5 times, down the steps 5 times, and then back up a final 6th time before I could get everything set up and then have a seat.

I was there from 8am until 6pm. We were supposed to take shifts.I was supposed to be there until 11am, then another person was supposed to come in until 2pm, then another until 5pm. And actually, there was supposed to be 2 people there at all times together for each shift. Well, I ended up being the only one there for the entire time. Hardly anyone came to the fair. The only people even slightly interested were some of the members that were going to run on the track and couldn't because we were in the way. So I was bored out of my mind. It was a very long, tiresome, and fatigue-generating day. One of the event booths was Chick-Fil-A. They had little chicken salad sandwiches and carrot and raison salads to give away as samples. Everyone kept going to their table. I went over there because I knew I wasn't gonna get a break to go get something to eat. I had some sandwiches and a salad. They also had this lemonade that was "to die for." And you know it must have been good because I hate lemonade. It really wasn't sweet at all, it was totally sour and tasted more like water than that sweet-soury mixture they call lemonade. It was actually good. I can't even believe I'm saying this, because I always make such a big deal about how much I hate lemonade.

Finally, I began packing stuff up as it was nearing 5pm. I wanted to start bringing things to my car a little at a time because, I just didn't know how I was gonna make it. Not only was I in great pain, but now the fatigue had really gotten to me. I honestly didn't know how I was gonna carry all that stuff down those stairs and out to my car. I thought about asking one of the Gold's Gym workers to help me. I didn't know what to do. Jim was at work so I couldn't call him, and I had no one helping me. So I just packed everything up, folded up the table and the chairs. and I started by taking the 2  chairs down first. When I got down the steps, and made it out the front door, pressed the unlock \button on my keyring, and popped the trunk, a man stepped out from behind another car. He said "Ma'am, please let me get that for you. Let me please take that from you." Just as he took it from my weakened, shaking arms, I knew that he had come just as my shoulders and the rest of my body had given up. The old body had said, "that's it, I'm done, just leave me here, let someone else take care of it. I cannot do anymore!"  I said thank you, as though God had heard me praying moments earlier when I said, "God where is everyone that works here? Please let someone show up to help me." He asked how much more I had to bring out to the car. I told him that there were 4 more loads, up on the second floor, but that I didn't expect him to get them for me. I told him that I didn't have any money to give him for a tip even. I knew he didn't work there. Who was he? I asked him who he was because I had never seen him before. Had he come out for the health fair. He told me that he took a job shining the men's shoes when they came to the gym to work out. He said it wasn't much of a job, but it was an honest living. He said he would be there every night to shine shoes, right by the front door. 

There were a few things about this man that struck me as odd. First of all, I had never seen him there before. Secondly, I wondered who he worked for.  Did he actually work for Gold's Gym?  Then I thought that I never really see that many people even come to the gym in dress clothes/shoes. Did they drop their shoes off at the door while they worked out. None of it made much sense.  He followed me in, and there was a peace that poured from his soul that you literally could almost see it with your eyes. I had never met anyone like him before. He went upstairs 4 more times and carried each box and the table out to the car.  I told him that he came to me just in time. I said that I almost didn't make it. I was about to collapse. He said he was there just for me. He said, "whenever you need me, just call and I'll be right here." He gave me a business card with the letters V.I.P. written on the front and a phone number on the back. Again I told him that I was so sorry that I had nothing for him. He said he didn't want anything, he just wanted to make sure that I got everything into my car without any troubles, to make it easier on me. He said that things had been hard enough for me.

When I left there that night, I told Jim all about him. I asked Jim if he ever saw the man that shines shoes while you work out. Jim said to me, "who would get their shoes shined while you work out." That didn't seem like a very lucrative business to Jim either. He said that when he would work out at night, hardly anyone came to the gym dressed up, and if they did, he didn't think that anyone would just leave their shoes at the front door with a total stranger.  He also said that he had never seen him before. I asked him for months after that, and there was still no man that shines shoes.

If you don't believe in angels, you should. You have no idea how I felt that day. I literally could not go any further. I don't know how I would have gotten that stuff down the steps and into my car without his help, and no one seems to know who he was. No one saw him. No one knew of a man shining shoes that day or any day for that matter.

So what does this so-called angel look like? Well, he was about 5 feet 7 inches tall, African American, long dreadlocks, wearing a black vest with a white t-shirt and a black fidora. Is that not what you thought an angel looked like. Well this is what my guardian angel looked like. And as a matter of fact, after we moved to Georgia, and I was having a tough time adjusting and adapting, I would see him everywhere in the corner of my eye. When I would turn to look, he would disappear.

So, if you still don't believe in angels, that is your choice, but I certainly do.  Thanks to mine, I was able to make it to my surgery that year without collapsing.

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear, To Whom God's Love.......
Ever This Day Be At My Side...
To Guard...To Guide...Amen

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Waiting for Our Baby...Let Go And Let God!

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what He wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
                                                  - Russell Kelfer

Yes, I am a believer that there is a plan made before we are born. As a matter of fact, I believe that each one of us makes our very own plan, blueprints of our life on earth if you will. God may help us to write our chart if we ask Him to, but since I believe that we have the choice to keep coming back if we feel the need to gain more knowledge that we may need on the Other Side, after a few times we probably get the hang of it.  I know that in my plan, I wrote that obviously I would be sick. This would be one of my crosses to bear, and of course it would be a very, very heavy cross made of the heaviest, rarest types of metals found on the planet, making my chronic illness even worse and causing me to tire easier and become more fatigued than I could have possibly even imagined when I wrote it in my chart. Also, I wrote in my chart that I would continue to be tested about my ability to step aside and allow God to be in control of the way my life is supposed to go. Although, I believe our charts are written, we have to make decisions of which way to go on each path. We may end up taking a much longer than needed route because we may have taken a wrong turn along the way. It's not always easy to know which way to turn, which direction to go, but if we look for God's signs that may be written, spoken, sung and even hidden we'll get to where we are supposed to end up.

I've mentioned this before in my blog that I believe we choose really hard lives when we are nearing the end of our lives on earth. So, for me, I'm sure I don't think I'll be coming back many more times after this one. I think I chose to take on so much because I knew I wasn't gonna come back many more times. I knew I had to squeeze as much as possible in this life. I think the biggest thing I needed to learn on earth that I must have been unable to learn in previous lives, so I just keep coming back to take it on, is this control thing. Let's face it, after the many times of coming back--which must have been a lot for me--I still can't quite give up the need to be in control of everything. And just to give you a little more info, I also believe that the first few times that we come to earth, we choose easy lives to start the learning easier. Then we can begin to make the times we come back harder each time. When they begin to get really hard, you know that you are just about done, that you just want to stop and go Home.  

So for me the knowledge of learning how to let go of the control has been the most difficult. It has interfered in every aspect of my life from family to work to my health.  I have always felt like I had to control absolutely everything in my life that I ended up with high blood pressure, trouble sleeping, obsessive compulsive behaviors, constantly worrying about things that are irrational, getting several forms of arthritis and other joint and connective tissue diseases, getting many eye diseases, being diagnosed with stomach problems, and constantly fatiguing and wearing down. 

On this day, mother's day, I'm doing a lot of thinking about the control thing because it has been a hard thing for me to do. It has been so hard to hand over all my power, to say "here is all of my information" to the facilitator and have them do their job, and then "let go and let God."  I have to face it, there is really nothing else I can do but pray.  God will let me know if I need to do anything else in this adoption journey.  The problem for me is that as we wait, time becomes an issue--the more waiting, the more time there is, so the more I start thinking. When I start thinking, I start looking for ways to get involved, or take control of the adoption. Maybe that is why it has taken us 6 years to adopt,  and 7+ years so far to have a child in general. Maybe I need to master this lesson before we adopt our child.  

This means that I need to do the following while we wait for our child:
1) Not worry so much during my recovery that when Jim and others do the dishes for me they may use the "green is clean" sponge on contaminated dishes instead of the "brown is dirty" sponge.

2) Not stress out if people see our house unclean. I can't clean it right now, so I have to chill.

3) Not freak out if Jim puts dishes away in the wrong spot, and if he does, keep myself from reorganizing them the way I like them.

4) Try to relax when all the items in the cabinets, fridge and shower/tub don't have the labels facing out.

5) Keep telling myself that it's OK when the adoption coordinator says they are doing everything to find a match and that we (or rather I) don't have to do anything but tell people that we are adopting.

6) Try to put more trust in God that he knows what's best and he's in control.

7) Try to trust more in myself that letting go of responsibilities doesn't make me weak.

8) Try to trust in others. When they are offering to help, I should let them.

9) I should try to be more assertive. People are so used to me doing everything, that they aren't used to me standing up and saying, "NO! Could you help me out please?" 


Saturday, May 8, 2010

My Calling....Confirmed...Validated...Check and Check!

I have known for at least 2 years now what my calling in life is. I'm not talking about getting married and having a family, our decision to adopt a baby. I'm talking about why I started this blog in the first place. I've always had something inside of me that pulled me in a direction spiritually. I've been focusing on it for a while now, and finally I feeling like my calling has been confirmed and validated.

My brother's girlfriend, now fiancee, called me before they came in town to visit. She wanted to let me know the dates they would be coming in town. I asked her if there was something in particular that she wanted to do while she was in town. She said that every time she (Beth) and Ricky went out of town, they would take the Ghost Tour in that city or town. She recommended we do that. Well, I looked into it, and I didn't think I wanted to take the Downtown Atlanta Ghost Tour. It just didn't interest me. The other cities weren't that close to where I live. The one that takes place in my city is The Decatur Ghost Tour. I made reservations for the four of us--myself, my hubby, Ricky and Beth.

It turned out that we went to the ghost tour on Friday, April 30th. It was the last day of the month, and it was a gorgeous night. It was warm enough to go sleeveless. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. The day before, Ricky and Beth got engaged. We were all in good spirits--ha ha ha, I said spirits! OK, OK, back to the night of the ghost tour. We were originally supposed to go to the baseball game. The Braves were playing the Astros, and Jim always watches the Astros when they're in town. Beth did not want to go to the game, and it was supposed to be thunderstorms that night. So we rescheduled the ballgame for Saturday, and set out for the ghost tour.

Jim was not excited at all. He really did not want to go at all, but he went because he knew I wanted him to go with me. So he took a nap when he got home from work, and Beth, Ricky , and myself went to Siam, the Thai restaurant in downtown Decatur. We all met up at the bandstand in the middle of downtown Decatur. The two tour guides were there 15 minutes early to collect our payment and for us to sign a waiver in case someone got hurt because it's a 2 hour walk through the streets and a cemetary. Anything could happen technically. Beth thought that signing a waiver was scary, and kept insisting it was because we could get possessed! I kept telling her that before we left the house I said a meditation prayer that the white light of the Holy Spirit would surround us and protect us from anything during the ghost tour whether it be of this world or of the Other Side. I know that Beth thinks I'm a witch or something. She loves to get scared, but she doesn't understand that this kind of stuff, to me, is so much more. The paranormal is spiritual to me, not just something to get scared over!

Anyway, when the tour guides were introducing themselves to us, I knew I was supposed to be there that night! I even think I'm supposed to go back to learn more about myself!!!! The first tour guide's name was Teri Rice, and she is a paranormal photographer. She is also a filmaker. She brought up the rear of the tour group. The other tour guide's name was Boo Newell, and she is a psychic, medium and animal communicator. She told us that she is clairvoyant, and she can actually see the ghosts on the tour. I said that I have clairsentience. I said I cannot see or hear the spirits and ghosts, but there are things that I just know. She said that during the tour, if I felt anything to run it by her, and she would help to confirm my feelings.

And so the tour began...with only our group because the other group cancelled. So it was basically a private tour!

We began the tour at the County Court House, then we moved along to the Church across the street. We began to get pics with orbs in them at the Church. (Of course when we went back to look at our pics, we noticed that one of our pics of the Court House also had an orb in it, but since it was still daylight, and the brick was light in color it was hard to notice).


We moved on to the next Church. She began talking about a minister that had an affair with a lay person and was excommunicated. As she spoke about him, I was drawn to a window...I told Jim to begin taking shots of that window. She then said that he was looking out that very window as we were standing there in ghost form. She said he uses it as his pulpit. He says things like "walk the straight and narrow," etc. I told Boo that I was drawn to that window before she even said that was the window he was looking out! She said to go with those feelings. She said that with my strong sensitivities and with how strong the sensitivities are in these areas of downtown Decatur, I will notice that I have more than I ever even knew I had!

 After that, we walked on a ways toward the Decatur Cemetary. We found out that it is even older than Atlanta's Oakland Cemetary. I never knew that! As I entered the front gates, I found it almost hard to breathe, as though I was suffocating. I also felt my heart pounding and could feel my heart beating in my neck.

We entered, and Boo stopped us every once in a while to tell us about the history as well as a good spot to take a pic because it was a hot spot for orbs.  I also would tell Jim to take pics at certain spots because I felt like I was drawn to certain areas. Those areas also had orbs show up on our pics as well. One pic in particular had a strange foggy image. I'm not sure what it was. I don't know if I ever will actually.

Right after this we came across 25 small graves. Before Boo could tell us what they were for, I said that I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness, a heaviness. It felt like a feeling of waiting and waiting for something that would never happen...That is when Boo said these were the gravestones of 25 orphaned children. She said that although they still run around and play, they are still waiting for someone to adopt them. They never were adopted and given a forever-home! So that explains those heavy, sad, waiting feelings that I felt...

We began to head toward the railroad tracks and the quarry.  That is when Boo began to walk next to me. She said that her Spirit Guides weren't letting her ignore speaking to me. She talked about how I needed overcome the death of my Energy Healer Instructor and move on with what I was once doing. She said that I had many other abilities besides the clairsentience.  She asked about some of them. I explained my dreams, the astral projection, the hot hands for healing energy, etc. That is when she said that I shouldn't be afraid of my gifts.  She said that her Guides are telling her that I am definitely meant for something good, but I have to go back to working on them again to be able to help people.  She said that her Guides said that my calling is to be a Medical Intuitive. I told her that I knew this. Not only have I been told this many times, my Guide have also told me, everything points in that direction, and I just can't hide from it anymore. That is when I said, I know this, but how do I do this exactly. I had an instructor who passed away, and I was left basically in the cold...She told me to get back with another Energy Group like I was with before to work on my gifts and abilities. She said to remember "Forever and A Day."  She said this was the name of her group that meets in Woodstock. She said it is far from where I live, but they work on that type of stuff all the time. So I'm on my right path. I know this. Getting to my goal is another story, but I'll get there if it takes "forever and a day."

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