Let's Talk Relationships--Why Is It Better to Love and Know Yourself First?

"You complete me." Everyone loved that line from Jerry McGuire. When he told her this, our hearts melted. Yes this makes great reading and wonderful movie writing for romance, but it isn't what love is when it comes to real relationships. We should never be looking for our other half or someone to complete us. We should be whole before we decide to join that other person's world. Otherwise, we are just asking for trouble. I'm not saying that we aren't constantly growing and learning as a person because we are. But what I am saying is that you shouldn't expect that the other person will help you to become who you want to be or that you will be able to change the other person. You cannot change anyone! Let me say it again. YOU CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE! Did ya get that?

I was lucky. I met my husband in college. We had the same values and beliefs. We had the same religion. Our families grew up in the same area. We both wanted the same things out of life. We both wanted to have good jobs and a family. These were not negotiable. Also, we could both stand on our own two feet. We were individual people who happened to love other individual people. We were not 2 halves, but rather 2 wholes that came together. As we have grown together, we have both changed a bit, but ultimately we have not changed for the other person, but for ourselves. We have changed because we have grown as individual people within a relationship.

That is a really wonderful thing! Now that I see it in writing I realize how special our relationship truly is.

We have had some really big issues that we have had to face, that we faced together. We did it together, as a couple made up of 2 very whole, very full individuals, very true-to-oneself and true-to-one's beliefs, not of two half persons. We have moved three times to three different states. We have gone through my many chronic illnesses, which has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. I have had a hip replacement, and 7 other surgeries. And now I am awaiting surgery for a right total shoulder replacement. We have also been trying to adopt a child for about 6 years with a lot of let-downs. But we continue to remain strong, and I owe that to our strength as individuals, as whole persons.

Sure, I lean on him in times of need, as he does to me, but we are a couple. It is a relationship, and a relationship is a give and take. We help each other. We are each other's best friend. Thank God for that, otherwise every time we move to a new state, I would not know anyone. Now I can say I have a best friend in every state that we move to! How great is that!

So my advice to you is to make sure you know yourself. Now I mean know who you are. You have so much time to go through spiritual self-discovery to realize you ultimate God-given reason for your being here, your human purpose. But be able to live without another person holding your hand, so that you are not having to rely on another half. Don't seek another half or a soul mate. Actually, you may have many soul mates--friends, family members, a husband, your pets, etc. Or you may not even have a soul mate at all. The verdict is still out on that if there really is such a thing. Don't rely on physical attraction alone or on someone that will help your career or fame. That relationship won't last. Look for someone who has similar beliefs and values as you do. A relationship based on similarities always works best. Now there are people who are opposites, who swear that opposites attract. I just always think that they are focusing on the opposite things and not on the things that they have in common. I would bet they have a lot more things in common than not.

So good luck in finding Love for this Valentine's Day! Maybe Cupid will hit you with his arrow!

Can I Prevent Materials from Dominating My Life...If So, Can I Live Spiritually Rich and Happy?

Yes it's true that you can have too much of a good thing. Take money for instance. Although, for me this has never been an issue. We basically live paycheck to paycheck. We don't own a home. We have one new car and one '93 pick up truck with over 180,000 miles on it and the only reason we have gotten new cars for me is that we have had 2 car accident and just found the best cars for me both times to be a new car. This last car is a 2008 Honda CRV. Now we hadn't been looking for a new car or for a crossover SUV for that matter, but my 2000 Ford Focus was totalled in a head-on collision, and we began to search for a new vehicle. I have several severe joint diseases, and to be honest, the Focus was getting difficult for me to climb in and out of. Sometimes I'd get in and wasn't sure I'd be able to get out without the jaws of life...

So I continue...we have been trying to adopt for about 6 years of our almost 10 years of marriage, and have invested some money into that, but that is for a child, and who can put a monetary value on that? I do not wear or a have anything that I have bought for myself that is name-brand except a few pair of shoes, because, let's face it after years and years of wearing cheap department store shoes, your feet do cry out for "good" shoes that help your feet when they are aching with arthritis. But mostly, we do not buy ourselves much at all. So money, except to pay for our rent, medication (which is more than one can even imagine!), our car payment and upkeep, our dogs health, our own general health, food, some beauty products and self care products and cooking products, to us just doesn't dominate us!

The problem for me comes with materials in general. Stuff. I have so much stuff. Where did it come from? How did I get so much? How did it get to be so cluttered? First of all, they are materials, items, nick-knacks, things that others very close to me have given to me for some reason or another. These people love me. I love them. They gave me these things because they meant something to them, and therefore thought that it was a meaningful gift to give to me. Even my fine china was my grandmother's. We didn't purchase our china or put it on a registry. Why when we could have Gammie's? The thing is that holding onto all this stuff is just too much mentally. My husband once told me that when you hold on to all the physical stuff, you also clutter the mind. That is so true. So it doesn't have to be just about being materialistic and having money. All the stuff I have can probably be sold at the dollar store or the 99 cents store. It has no monetary value whatsoever. But for me, it has a strong hold on my heart.

Slowly, I have been packing up the stuff and either giving it away, throwing it away or putting it in storage (if it was from someone that I may never see again in this life, which is also foolish so I will get to this in a bit also). It's as though a heaviness is lifted from me. I feel lighter. The clutter in my home is less, and the clutter in my brain is less. What I am trying to learn is that I will always have the memory of that person and that gift; I don't have to keep the physical item. Surprisingly, removing the physical, lightens the load on your mind, even though it increases the memory load. Imagine that! It is going to take time for me, but I will get there a little at a time. Again, my brilliant husband told me, that it is better to do it slowly because it isn't just throwing a bunch of stuff away, it is decluttering the brain, and you can't do that too quickly or you will end up going backward. So yes it is a slow process.

I believe that it is OK to ask God for what you think you need and want out of this life. Just remember that he will only give you what you actually need. I also believe that when you do good deeds and volunteer in the community and help others, without even asking for what you need, it will be given to you. You may not get it right away, but it will come. And sometimes you really have to work for what you want, because what you want may not necessarily be what you need. So while working for what you want, you may end up with something altogether different or something even better than what you thought you wanted to begin with.

If your life isn't going the way you thought it would, don't hide from it and bury your head in the sand. That is the worst thing that you could possibly do. Life will be passing you by, opportunities will come and go and you will miss them. This is not just with money. For me, it has occurred with my chronic illness. No one thinks when they are going through life that their chronic illness will hold them back. I went to Nursing School, worked as a nurse for 6 years and then had to quit. I could have become depressed and hid from the world and cried because I couldn't be a nurse anymore. But I didn't. Instead, I began to use my illness to help others, started to understand myself more than when I wasn't sick, and became stronger than when I wasn't this weak physically. I have done more to help people now than I believe I ever did working as a paid nurse. Now I help people and don't get paid!!! Imagine that!

Finally, I want to touch on a fact I briefly mentioned earlier. All the stuff that we have whether it be money, expensive things, or my things that have cluttered my home, we cannot take with us to the Other Side when we die. It will be of no use to us over there. So why be so worried about holding on to it so tightly here? Even if we bury it with us, when we open the coffin, it will still be there along with our bones because only our spirit or our soul goes over there. Nothing physical will survive on the Other Side. It is just not needed. So just don't clutter your mind and your space with stuff and worry. Keep only what you absolutely need for survival, and a little extra for some added joy, or to maybe buy your kids something special as a treat, or to eat out or see a movie every once in a while. That is fine. Just don't overindulge!

Say to yourself daily as Sylvia Browne suggests: "I go forward and leave the past as only a memory of what I have learned."

Can I Become Even More Psychic Than I Already Am?...How?

Spirituality in and of itself differs from ones religion. One can be Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or any other faith, but separate from that one's own spirit is searching for the truth. So it doesn't really matter about the faith because it goes beyond the dogma or the teachings of the particular church. We can be any faith, religion, denomination--these are human-made decrees, doctrines, and rules. We choose to follow, or believe in these. Therefore, they are just pathways, and anyone we choose will lead to God. Each religion has a messenger or prophet, tells us to love our God, love others, and you will go to your "heaven."

To grow spiritually, we must learn to know ourselves. To learn this, the best way to do this is to spend time with others helping them. Giving of ourselves, opens ourselves up to others thereby opening ourselves up to our own self. We learn to be less self centered by helping others. We see prejudices, and learn not to have them toward others just by being open to people--see others as equals. We use this life on earth as a workshop learning to love others, so that when we go home to God, it will be that much easier to love Him. We will learn how impatient people are on this planet, so we will learn patience. We will learn honesty, justice, righteousness, and tolerance. We learn this because we are subjected to it and must learn to grow.

As we take care of God's creations and God's creatures, He takes care of us. And all though life will not always be all joy and happiness all the time, we will have the ability to cope with disappointments and sadness or being let down. This is because we have been subjected to it all. Had we not allowed ourselves to be subjected to this all, and only selfishly cared for ourselves, never interacting with others and helping anyone else, how could we learn from that?

When we think about worry, sometimes it can be futile. What I mean is, worry without action is nothing but damaging. We certainly don't want to waste our time agonizing over scenarios that may never occur. Of course, if we take action when we are faced with actual challenges that can be tackled, that is productive. Can you see the difference here? I hope so. It is so important that you understand this because this will decide how your spirituality is developed, and from there, your psychic abilities.

Today, I had an issue with my lip being numb. Now I already have my date scheduled for my shoulder replacement surgery, but today was a specifically painful day, and my lip was numb. I kept talking about it, but never did anything about it. What I should have done was make an appointment with my doctor to make sure that it was indeed related to the nerves in my shoulder, etc., and if it wasn't at least the doctor could do a full work up. Instead, I carried on about the pain and numbness all day and did nothing about it. Some people claim that what they don't know can't hurt them. Well, if that really is true, why say so in the first place. Of course, because you are stewing over it, rather than facing it head-on...

Sylvia Browne believes that once you know you, all your psychic channels open up. "Psychic" according to the dictionary is "the power of discernment." It is the ability to see, hear, sense, feel or know without any tangible clues. Other words that may be used are intuition, hunch, or remembering. Whatever you call it, it is a gift from God. A person becomes more helpful and more giving and more outgoing. Therefore, they are more spiritual. With that increased spirituality, the ability to sense and know comes with it naturally.

Not everyone is good at being a "people person" or outgoing. So if you are shy or introverted, then start out by connecting with one kind person. It is usually good to start with an older person or a child. Then, start asking yourself questions. If you don't feel comfortable asking questions out loud, then put them in a journal. Trust your first impressions. Try these categories: Career, Family, Finances, Health, Loved Ones Who Have Passed Over, Negative People, Relationships, Social Life, Spirituality. When you feel that sense of brightness, this means your psychic sense has been activated. Try to take it further by asking, "who does this message pertain to?" Make sure you write down your answers. Is the person short, tall; from the past, present; does it feel immediate or further away?

This is an easy way to start by exercising the muscles in the limbic brain. Some believe this is the actual location of the third eye. It is located on the right side of our head just above our ear. It is also called the dead zone. Although technically it is not dead, it lies dormant until we stimulate it, or open the door if you will. We use it all the time when we ask someone, "what's on your mind? You're not yourself today." We may have noticed at that very moment we say her that she was down or depressed. She then tells you that she has a terrible headache or had a fight with her spouse. Some may say that it is just picking up on body language, but why are some of us able to do this over the phone with just the word "hello"?

What prevents people from using their psychic senses more often? Well, there is the fear of being wrong. Remember that what someone says no to now might turn out to be true later on. If you get a "hit" stick with it. You can always run the risk of being mistaken. Only God is always right. Follow your instincts. Practice makes perfect.

Also, when you are doing a reading, if you get a negative feeling, try to help the person concerned--don't just let your intuition lie dormant because of fear. Don't read for people who are close to you because you'll become too emotionally involved and won't won't be able to be objective. Look at the person neutrally. And a note of caution--whenever you take, you must also give back in comparable measure.

"I am the Divine source, a unique spark from the Divine sparkler."

Unlocking Past Negative Memories

This is a tough thing for me to talk about. I consider myself a good Catholic Christian person. But, I believe that there are more to our memories than what has occurred in this life. And of course, in order for this to be true, we would have had to live previous lives. The Catholic Doctrine does not teach us anything about living more than our one life on Earth and then our life in Heaven after we die. We are not taught that we can come back to live and die again, and perhaps if need be again and again...

Have you ever had an anxiety or panic attack? Everyone at some point has felt anxiety about something in their life. It usually comes out of nowhere. Your palms sweat, your heart races, you can't breathe, and sometimes you feel like you are having a heart attack. I've been there! My brother started having panic attacks a year ago out of the blue. They began when he approached bridges. As he would get closer and closer to the bridge, he would panic more and more. He said he could almost imagine himself blacking out and driving into the water or traffic below--depending on what the bridge was over. He got to the point where he could not drive over bridges anymore. He couldn't explain it. Nothing ever happened to him on or near a bridge, and nothing ever happened to anyone he knew on or near a bridge. So why is he so fearful of bridges? Why the panic attacks? Was it just a phobia? Is there such a thing as "just" a phobia?

As I have talked about before, negative thoughts tend to stick over the positive thoughts--or negative words last over positive words. Well if these negative thoughts, words, and even experiences are so pronounced in our memories, then many of them cause our fears, phobias, and anxieties of today from what happened in our past. Well, what about stuff that we know did not happen in our past, at least not in this lifetime? Obviously, it seems likely that some of those memories could remain imprints in our mind from previous lifetimes. Some experiences that caused negative memories in a past life, may emerge in this lifetime because of an event that triggers the memory. My brother, for example, may have been pushed off a bridge in a former life, or he may have had a seizure and drove off a bridge and died in one of his former lives. Perhaps he died in a former life driving off a bridge at age 28 or 29. He turned 29 last August, but began having these panic attacks at bridges just before he turned 29 years old. Maybe his age triggered it. Who knows?!? The thing is that it isn't relevant to his life now. It is a negative fear from a past life that is no longer relevant to this life now. What has to be done to keep the soul safe is to release the negative fear from a past life.

I believe you can and should explore these past memories--from this life and past lives. You can investigate by analyzing your memories to see what you have learned from them. But you also have to neutralize any negative memories and release them. This turns negative events into opportunities for positive growth. By embracing the very thing that haunts you from this life as well as from past lives, you stop the soul from growing. We are expected to make mistakes, but it's how you fix your mistakes that really matters. It is not easy to pine over painful memories from your life. Next time you find yourself focusing too much on these painful negative memories, ask yourself this question: Do you want to see yourself trapped by these negative memories, or do you want to see each memory as one moment in your life, no matter how painful, that you were able to grow as a person from and become stronger--to become who you are today?

It is true that the difference between a negative memory and negative thought is that you cannot just swap it for a positive one. You cannot replace that memory. It will always be there. A thought can be changed from a negative one to a positive one though. What we have to realize is that a memory is just that, a memory of an event or a time. When you take a balanced look at the positive and the negative events in your life, take pride in what you've overcome and what you've become because of the sum of the total of all your experiences. In Sylvia Browne's book Lessons for Life, she says to ask God to help you to replace any negative feelings that are attached to bad memories and pray: "It was only a learning process. I have been loved, and I can love." She also says to do an exercise by writing your painful memories on one side of a paper and your positive memories on the opposite side of the paper. At the bottom of the paper, write down your conclusions. What did you learn from these experiences? Ask your soul and God to give you insight into why you suffered. "When life gives you pits, I'll plant them and grow cherry trees."

Getting Past The Guilt

What makes us so focused on the negative instead of the positive? If someone were to point out how smart you are and how attractive your sibling is, why do we automatically assume that they think we are unattractive? That is what we do. But why? For whatever the reason, so much lies on the outcome. You see, we put so much into these comments that people make about us. And even if we know that it is unreasonable, we still do it. Again, I say, but why? Why do we do this to ourselves? It is a horrible thing to do. We begin to forget who we really are based on what others determine us to be. Basically, we are allowing others to decide our identities, and that is just not healthy! This can affect us on a physical, emotional or a soul level--none being healthy at all!!!

So going back to the negative stuff that seems to stick. Why does it stick? Why does it hurt so badly? Well first of all, the negative stuff is the stuff that we pay attention to. When someone is criticising you, you listen. It tends to occur in the most unguarded of moments, so it really hurts like someone punched you in the gut. Then you accept it as your own identity. Sadly, we do this, because each time we get a negative blow thrown our way, a piece of us is peeled away. We lose a sense of our real identity in the process. The negative stuff then stays--that is just the way it is. Our environment is negative, therefore, negative energy thrives here. Our human body is vulnerable here in this negative environment.

If all of this seems to be so horrible that we will never get over it, don't fret. We can get past it. Whatever is eating away at you that is causing you to feel negative about your self, your own identity, you can get past it. You can move on. There is hope. Reflect on the positive. There have been positive ideas in your life that others have told you, that you know you own, etc. Reflect on positive ideas that you have absorbed from your life, your environment, from others about you. These positive ideas determine who you are not the negative words or ideas that people have put into your mind throughout your life. Replace the hurtful words, phrases, ideas, etc. with positive mesages in your mind. When we are positive, we can then be in a state of loving. It is only then when people will like you/love you for who you really are. Remember also to always to be in a state of loving and not in a state of hoping in order to be loved. Then and only then is when love will come to you. (Thank you Sylvia Browne, Lessons for Life.)

As I still work through my first step with Sylvia Browne and her book, Lessons for Life, I am still working on realizing my own essence. I am realizing that I still have a lot of guilt. I still have to work out a lot of negative thoughts that people have told me through the years. But I am able to get past the guilt and move on. I can replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I will be able to realize my own essence!!!

Guilt, Can You Move On?

For me, I have already had a hard time getting through the first step on my journey of self-discovery. I find it extremely hard to overcome doing things for other people, and not doing them for myself. Ever since I was a child, I wanted to make others happy, whether it be for my mom or for my teachers. I wanted them to be proud of me. I was so worried about other peers' opinions of me. What were they saying behind my back? Were they telling me the truth to my face? I took criticism as though it were the last judgment day. Perfection to me was not to find my essence. I needed to get rid of all this guilt that I had. I felt guilty for not being the best. When my mom told me to just be good enough, that I don't have to be the best. I took that as though she already saw me as a failure. In my mind, my mom already saw me as an underachiever.

Sylvia Browne mentions in her book, Lessons for Life, the first step to developing your essence, or finding your self, is to realize that good people often have a bad opinion of themselves. Good people seem to be more subject to worry and guilt because they monitor themselves to keep on the right path. They have a built- in alarm system, Sylvia Browne calls guilt. This guilt, or conscience, keeps us from harming other living things and people. When my mom was pregnant with me, she had placenta previa, meaning that the placenta was on the bottom. The placenta is the afterbirth, so it should be on top to come out after the baby is born, hence the name "afterbirth." There were no ultrasounds back then, so no one knew that the placenta was misplaced. When I was ready to come into the world, the placenta ruptured--I'll not go into graphics, but it had to go somewhere, and it went all over the bedsheets in pieces. This is called placenta abruptio. My mom had no labor, I came out as soon as my mom reached the hospital. They told her, do not cough, sneeze or even breathe, because you are already crowning.

I made quite an entrance. With the way I came into the world, would you believe, I actually feel guilty about it? How can you feel guilty about how you are born? Can you get past this? How? Obviously, if you can trace your guilt back to the day you were born, you are in trouble. But can it be fixed? Can you move on? Yes, you can. You have to get past it to find your self, your essence.....

My Path of Self-Discovery

Sylvia Browne has a book entitled Lessons for Life. I will be quoting this book a lot during this journey that I am taking to discover who I really am. For many years, I tried to hide so that people wouldn't know the real Me. I was scared how they would take it. I felt like I would be judged very hard. When I was younger, I had a very hard time dealing with how other people felt about what I did. I always did things to make others happy. I never tried to make myself happy. I'm sure that I probably had a pretty good idea what would bring me joy, but I fought it. I knew what other people wanted me to do, so I chose that path.

I was always a very different child. I was never like the other kids. I couldn't quite fit in anywhere. I could make friends from any group, and I would jump around from one group to the next because I had many abilities, but it was not really what I wanted. I think the other kids knew that I didn't want to be popular, that I didn't want to be noticed, that I wanted to blend in, and that I was hiding something. I always had a way of "knowing" things. This made it harder and harder to hide my true self the older I became.

As I entered my 30's, I began to realize that I would be OK if people knew the real Me. So I began peeling away at the layers that I had built up to hide what existed underneath. And slowly but surely, the real "Me" is appearing to all those who come in contact with me, even my own self.

It has been and continues to be an amazing journey of self-discovery, and I think now is a great time to invite you all in to join me to see what happens next. You see, I think now it is beginning to get really exciting. Everyday I discover something new and wonderful about not only myself, but how the world around me is connected to me in a way that I would have never imagined. So please follow me down this path of many twists and turns to find out who I really am. We will leave no stone unturned on the path toward Me!