My Awakening...

I am currently going through an AWAKENING, and I'm entering a higher level of consciousness. We all have the capacity to reach this level, but we have to be open to it. We have to rid our lives of the constant clutter that life seems to fill our minds and body with. What I find to be one of the most interesting aspects of this spiritual AWAKENING is that a majority of it seemed to just happen, and although I was conscious of it, and I made my own decisions to get to where I am today, I seemed to have been on automatic pilot. It seems like all of this had been discussed before, and I just knew what I was supposed to do...up until this very moment right now. Everything has seemed almost scripted, and now I'm seeking advice and knowledge, and an enlightenment so that I will be able to finish what I've started and continue until I've reached Christ's Consciousness.

God has blessed me with so many gifts and abilities that so far have helped me to discover gifts and abilities that once had felt like a burden and a punishment. There have been so many things happening to me that are literally "just happening". It seems they happen in spurts, but most likely these happenings are more gradual happenings with bursts of more noticeable things in the midst.

After, I began seeing my counselor for therapy because of my medical problems, because we had moved to the Atlanta area, and I was beginning to see all new doctors, and I knew no one here. It was just my husband and myself, and I was overwhelmed! Suzanne was wonderful! She was exactly what I needed. She is just as liberal and eccentric as I so that works out good for me. She makes me feel very comfortable, which is important when you are specifically seeing a health care worker to talk to and with about things that are bothering you or trying to pinpoint things in your past or present that are possibly causing issues that are bringing with them pain, frustration, sadness, anxiety, or stress. I felt so comfortable with her, that not only did I talk about personal issues with family and friends and my health issues that were causing me the most stress at the time, I also decided to go ahead and hit her with some other issues that have been affecting me--that were a huge part of me and my life...

When I got the courage up, I told her about my history. I said, "Suzanne, ever since I was a child I have had some unusual, unexplainable experiences." Well, once she told me to go on and to explain...I never shut up! I told her about how I have always had problems with magnetic and electrical energy. I said that I have been blowing up electrical appliances, etc. for years. I can't wear watches because after a short time, they begin to go backward and then STOP! I have actually brought back 15 to 20 watches to have the batteries replaced only to have them all stop running in less than a month. I blow out light bulbs and blow UP light bulbs, have blown up televisions, mixers, a desk computer, a laptop, the reading lights above the airplane seats--two out of the three in a three-seat section, my brother's brand new car's complete electrical system--seat warmers, windshield wipers, all the computerized light system, and finally, the engine shut down because the entire computer system stopped working--, an oven burned up and caught fire, our air conditioning unit, the radio in our car, several digital alarm clocks, my cell phone, our cable in the living room, rechargeable flashlights, my husband's clock in his car, street lights would turn off as I walk by, the light in the freezer/refrigerated section turns off when I touch the door to open it at the supermarket, the garage door opener, and the biggest electrical involvement was during an argument with my hubby when our entire apartment's electricity went out AND the entire apartment below us! It came back on, and then went out again, but the back up battery for our PC blew up (I don't know exactly what you call it technically). This was THE INCIDENT that finally made a believer out of my hubby that I had something to do with the electrical experiences.  I was way past coincidence at this point. My hubby told me that I needed to tell someone about this so I could get help because now it was getting expensive!

I told Suzanne that I also had dreams where people had passed away in a horribly tragic experience or accident. The problem was that I would dream the event as it happened not before. It wasn't a premonition because I had no time before things happened to prepare or warn anyone.  For example, I dreamt the plane crash in Lexington, KY.  I dreamt I was in KY, and watched a plane drive off the runway into a horse farm and crash. There was fire, and I just knew that most likely everyone was dead, but everyone was approaching me wondering what had happened. I was just bombarded with anxiety. I jumped up from my sleep, and I told my hubby that a plane crashed at Bluegrass Airport in KY. I said that I thought everyone was dead. I was sure it had already happened. I felt like I was there!  Jim told me to go back to sleep because it was way before our alarm was going to go off, and we could talk about it in the morning. He said that I was probably worried because at the time we were living in RI, but we moved from KY, and we were planning a plane trip to KY very soon. He said it was probably just anxiety related to that upcoming trip. I had so much trouble falling back to sleep. It felt so real. What did all those people want from me? What if it hadn't happened yet, and I was the one that needed to warn someone? Who could I warn without getting accused of something? Wouldn't everyone wonder how I knew all this before it happened? Wouldn't they think I was involved somehow?

At about 9 a.m., Jim woke up and went straight to his laptop. A part of him had to see if what I dreamt was real or not. He was of course hoping it was just a dream. The front page of CNN's webpage online was: PLANE CRASHES WHEN LEAVING RUNWAY IN EARLY MORNING FLIGHT FROM BLUEGRASS AIRPORT IN LEXINGTON, KY; ALL FEARED DEAD!  OMG! I was right, and if my memory is correct, it happened around 5:30 a.m. just as I awoke suddenly from the horrible dream.

I also dreamt about my cousin's grandmother. She was diagnosed with esophageal cancer that had metastasized to the brain. She died very soon after, but before she died, she came to me in a dream. Actually, before she was diagnosed, I dreamt she had cancer, but I wasn't sure what kind it was; I only knew it wasn't a female type of cancer like breast, ovarian or uterine. I was actually thinking of bone cancer. I knew it was far along, so I was thinking it had spread to the lymph nodes and bone, but wasn't really getting the exact location. The next day, she was in the ER, and was diagnosed rather quickly with esophageal cancer that had spread all over. She didn't have long. Perhaps that is why it was so hard for me to get a good reading on where it was. Anyway, she came to me in a dream before passing, and she told me to tell her family that she was fine and not to worry. She wasn't in pain anymore. They could all let go knowing that. I called my cousin the following day after the dream, and I asked her as gently and calmly as possible if her grandma was still alive. She said yes. This stumped me because of the dream. At first I thought maybe it actually was just a dream. Then I explained to my cousin everything. She knew about my abilities, so it didn't shock her when I told her about the dream. She told me that the night before, her grandma had slipped into a coma, and has never come out of it. My theory is, and it is only a theory because only God knows the truth, that when she went into the coma, her soul left her body. She was already on the Other Side, but her body remained for the family to have a little more time to let go. My cousin agreed, and she informed her mother about what her grandma told me. They were all very happy to hear that she wasn't in pain anymore and that she was OK.

I also experienced some things similar, but there were no dreams that I recall from my memory. One night we were sleeping. I awoke. I told my Jim that the phone was gonna ring, and it was gonna be a very important call from my dad with very sad news. I said when it rings, just pass the phone over to me. Not a minute later, the phone rang, so Jim handed me the phone. I answered it. It was my dad, and he was crying. He said his brother passed away from an aortic aneurysm. Moments before the phone rang, I swore I could hear an angelic choir singing. I couldn't imagine where it could have been coming from at 3 a.m. It was heavenly! We backed up to I-75, lived in a single family home, had no TVs or radios on, and IT WAS 3A.M so there was no explanation for a church choir to be singing at that moment. Similarly, Jim's grandmother was in a coma, and family was visiting and awaiting her passing. I kept "feeling" that the passing was going to be at a certain hour on a certain day, but oddly, it didn't seem like it was going to be her. I felt like it was going to be someone else while we were in town, someone younger and unexpected who had been sick, but who no one was ready to see pass away. It was true, on the hour of the day I foresaw, a dear friend of the family's sister passed away. She was way too young. She had Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and other diseases, but what they think may have actually caused her untimely death was an aortic rupture from EDS--vascular type. She left two sons; one son has the same type of EDS--vascular type.  Then, I knew when Jim's grandma was ready, and we received the call just as I had "seen."

People passing away or ready to go to the Other Side, have been coming to me since I was a child. When I was 15, my grandfather on my dad's side passed away. He came to me to tell me he was fine. He was better on the other side. It was so sad when he was alive. He was 6 feet 7 inches tall with Alzheimer's and emphysema. He lived a rough life, and my 4 feet 11 inches of a grandmother took care of him all by herself until she couldn't physically do it anymore. My grandfather on my mom's side had a massive heart attack and was put on machines to keep him alive. He was pronounced brain dead so they took him off the machines. He lived nearly a week off the machines before he went to the Other Side. I stayed at the hospital the whole time he was there until I had to go back to nursing school. He was there during my entire spring break. Other relatives took turns, but I never left except to take a shower. I would come right back. I returned back to school, and I called every day to find out how he was. Then one day, I was studying, and I said to Jim that I had to call the hospital. I knew it had just happened. It was as though he sent me some kind of message without a word. I knew he had just passed away. When I called the room, my aunt answered. She told me he had just taken his last breath, and the nurse was getting the doctor to pronounce him. This was March 19, 1997, and I was 22 years old.

I also told Suzanne about how while living in St. Louis, they were searching for a missing person. I dreamt about a woman that was being pulled from a lake that was shaped like a horse shoe. In the dream, it was drastically cartoon-like. It didn't look like a real lake. It looked just like it was carved by hand into the ground to look just like a horse shoe and then filled with water.Three days later, I was watching the news, and began to feel my heart pound. They were showing a rescue team, police, CSI, and the medical examiner at a place called "Horse Shoe Lake." They found the body of a woman. It was the person that had been missing, I found out later. How did I know that? Should I have told someone? She must have been speaking to me from the Other Side. It was too late to save her, but her family had some kind of closure. A Robert Hansen was arrested for the serial murders of 15 women. Robert Hansen pled guilty on February18, 1984, to four counts of first-degree murder in the cases of Paula Golding, Joanna Messina, Sherry Morrow, and "Eklutna Annie."  One week later, on February 27, Superior Court Judge Ralph E. Moody sentenced Hansen to 461 years plus life, without chance of parole.  He was then remanded to Lewisburg Federal Penitentiary in Pennsylvania. By May 1984, investigators had found seven bodies at the grave sites Robert Hansen pointed out to them.   No other bodies were ever recovered. The summary went as follows:

On April 24, Sue Luna - Knik River.
On April 24, Malai Larsen - parking area   by old Knik bridge.
On April 25, DeLynn Frey - Horseshoe Lake.
On April 26, Teresa Watson - Kenai Peninsula.
On April 26, Angela Feddern - Figure Eight Lake.
On April 29, Tamara Pederson - one and a half miles from old Knik Bridge.
On May 9, Lisa Futrell's - south of old Knik Bridge.

On February 21, 2003, more than 20 years after her decomposed body was found, Alaska State Troopers asked for the public's help in identifying "Eklutna Annie."   In an effort to help solve her identity, state police released information regarding her clothing and jewelry.

Forensic reconstruction of Eklutna Annie

 
According to the report, which was published by Kenai Peninsula News, an Alaska newspaper, the victim was a white brunette in her 20s.  When found, Annie was wearing knee-high, reddish-brown, high-heeled boots, jeans, a sleeveless knit top and a brown leather jacket.  Troopers were also hoping that someone might recognize her jewelry; a silver cuff bracelet with polished stones, possibly handmade.  Anyone with information should call investigator William Hughes at 907-269- 5058.  Email: william_hughes@dps.state.ak

The day that I decided to tell Suzanne EVERYTHING, we walked out of her office, and she introduced me to Beth. Beth was the energy worker that shared office space with her. She sat on the couch with me right then and there, and the first thing she noticed was that I wasn't wearing a watch. She noted that some people are more sensitive to magnetic energy and others to electrical energy. As  for myself, she believed I was sensitive somewhere in the middle to electro-magnetic energy. After talking with one another, we decided to start an energy group where we could learn from one another how to control our energy and direct it to help others and not deplete our own energy in the process. We began meeting a couple times a month--Beth was the instructor to three of us students. One student was studying theology and is now in Pennsylvania. Another student became a really close friend of mine. 

We learned a lot from Beth, but we also learned from each other, and ultimately we learned from ourselves and about ourselves. I also learned how to ground myself, which is a lot like appliances. By grounding myself, I don't blow things up anymore, and I haven't since the day Beth taught me how to do so. Beth passed away from lung cancer, and we were devastated! We were not only sad that we lost a wonderful teacher who taught us about energy and about life and living, but we also were upset and felt like we were abandoned by that one person who was our guide. We had lived our lives believing that something was wrong with us, that we had to hide our abilities and gifts from others. Beth helped us to AWAKEN our gifts, to not fear the opinions of others, to know that they were gifts from our Creator, and we shouldn't be ashamed of them. It has taken along time to get over the sadness of losing her and the feeling of abandonment. We felt as though our guide that was leading us finally, just up and left us. We were lost in a world of people unlike ourselves. But now we are realizing this is another lesson, another AWAKENING. We needed to experience some of our gifts and abilities and learn how to use them best on our own. I have gotten stronger in knowing myself, stronger in my abilities, and so much more sensitive being on my own. I have also realized that I am not alone. It is not just she and I with these abilities and gifts. The universe has opened up as we have opened our eyes, including our third eye, and AWAKENED our spirit. As the universe opened, like-minded and like-spirited people, as well as like-bodied people have been drawn to me. We haven't done anything differently but opened ourselves up and AWAKENED our spirit!

I have encountered people on the street telling me that I must not close myself up to the world, that I am a healer and a medical intuitive, and I must continue that path. Right after Beth passed away, my world just stopped, and I stopped searching for months for what to do next, and people picked up on it. Although I wasn't actively doing anything to AWAKEN my spirit, it was beginning to "wake up" on its own. I attended a paranormal and metaphysical conference in downtown Atlanta over the summer, and met many like-spirited and like-minded people. It was an amazing experience, and the atmosphere was full of energy. A man at the conference asked if he could check my energy. He placed one hand over my hand and one under my hand. He looked at me as though he was shocked! He turned to the woman next to him. She looked shocked as well. He told me he had never seen anyone with energy like mine except that of a Shaman. He said I must continue my path. Again, someone told me this. He said my energy is the energy that I do not even have to focus on. All I have to do is walk into a room and point, and I can direct healing energy that easily. I was amazed! Could it be true? Could my energy be that powerful? Should I even question it? He told me do not concentrate so much on it. He said that my level of consciousness is a level that others cannot comprehend. I probably don't even understand the level I'm at just yet, but I will. It is all part of my plan. And since I am doing God's work, it is all good energy, and a level of consciousness that is reaching that of Christ's Consciousness!

The other night when I looked up at the harvest moon, I meditated calmly and quietly on what God has called me to do. There is a reason for everything. And although I believe it somewhat has to do with God's calling, I have stated before that it also has to do with our blueprints that we work on before we are born. I believe that is our decision what we put on those plans. Now because God gives us free will, we can always stray from our own plans. I believe that I wanted to have a difficult life of pain to educate others and for my own self to learn from living a life of pain as well. I wouldn't have it any other way. Many tell me that I must want a pain free life, and yes it would be nice to not have pain, but I do believe this is what I chose, and for a good reason. I have learned a life of peace, of compassion, the importance of empathy and sympathy, as well as patience! I had a free call scheduled with a medical intuitive for advice to see where I should go from here. The phone call was scheduled 6 months ago, and in the mean time I made the decision to do free remote energy healing for those in my online social networks, and began a blog talk radio show about pain and healing. I offer callers free energy healing sessions on the radio show as well. I hope to someday have my own practice with a healing center to help people in person with energy healing. My dear friend who used to go to energy group with me, loves my ideas for the future. She has joined my effort with a suggestion of possibly opening a healing center for women with energy healing and yoga classes with a gift shop that carries metaphysical books and other items. Yes, I do believe she's on to something!
 

So I will repeat words that I said earlier:  The universe has opened up as we have opened our eyes, including our third eye, and AWAKENED our spirit. As the universe opened, like-minded and like-spirited people, as well as like-bodied people have been drawn to me. We haven't done anything differently but opened ourselves up and AWAKENED our spirit!

Do You Believe In Angels?...You Will!

I thought it would be nice to share a story with you that happened to me back in 2004. I was just about to have surgery on my right shoulder, but my left shoulder also needed surgery. Both shoulders were pretty bad! I had horrible range of motion and strength.  Both were affected by avascular necrosis stage III, and had bone that had already separated from the ball and was just floating around in there!  My Orthopaedic Surgeon was gonna go in and remove the necrotized bone that had broken off and arthroscopically clean the shoulders all out. I was gonna have the right shoulder done in '04 and the left in '06. Anyway, you get the idea that I was in excruciating pain! If you don't know anything about avascular necrosis pain, the bone pain of AVN is second to that of bone cancer. It is deep withing the marrow. The blood supply doesn't get to the joint so the joint dies, and then it collapses, and then the final result is to replace the collapsed joint.

So at the time, I was no longer working because I was already on disability after my left hip had collapsed from the AVN.  I had it replaced in December of '03.  I wanted to still do some of the things that I had done when I was working as a diabetes educator, so I did a lot of volunteer work. I was volunteering as a diabetes educator with the Fayette County Diabetes Coalition in Kentucky at the time. I did a lot of public health education, workshops, education in churches, schools and health fairs. This particular story pertains to a particular health fair that took place in Lexington, Kentucky at a Gold's Gym. They were holding the health fair at the time that I encountered something that I would consider miraculous!

I had to bring my own table and table cloth. I carried in all my own samples and my glucose meter. I had 4 boxes full of handouts. There were leaflets, brochures, books, pamphlets, you name it. The boxes were heavy, the health fair was being held on walking/running track, it was on the second floor, and there wasn't an elevator!  There was one plus; I got to park in the closest parking spot because I had a disabled parking tag. I pulled in, and I popped the trunk. I grabbed the card table first, and I began my many trips in and out of the gym, up and down the steps. I would bet I made a trip in and out 5 times, which was up the steps 5 times, down the steps 5 times, and then back up a final 6th time before I could get everything set up and then have a seat.

I was there from 8am until 6pm. We were supposed to take shifts.I was supposed to be there until 11am, then another person was supposed to come in until 2pm, then another until 5pm. And actually, there was supposed to be 2 people there at all times together for each shift. Well, I ended up being the only one there for the entire time. Hardly anyone came to the fair. The only people even slightly interested were some of the members that were going to run on the track and couldn't because we were in the way. So I was bored out of my mind. It was a very long, tiresome, and fatigue-generating day. One of the event booths was Chick-Fil-A. They had little chicken salad sandwiches and carrot and raison salads to give away as samples. Everyone kept going to their table. I went over there because I knew I wasn't gonna get a break to go get something to eat. I had some sandwiches and a salad. They also had this lemonade that was "to die for." And you know it must have been good because I hate lemonade. It really wasn't sweet at all, it was totally sour and tasted more like water than that sweet-soury mixture they call lemonade. It was actually good. I can't even believe I'm saying this, because I always make such a big deal about how much I hate lemonade.

Finally, I began packing stuff up as it was nearing 5pm. I wanted to start bringing things to my car a little at a time because, I just didn't know how I was gonna make it. Not only was I in great pain, but now the fatigue had really gotten to me. I honestly didn't know how I was gonna carry all that stuff down those stairs and out to my car. I thought about asking one of the Gold's Gym workers to help me. I didn't know what to do. Jim was at work so I couldn't call him, and I had no one helping me. So I just packed everything up, folded up the table and the chairs. and I started by taking the 2  chairs down first. When I got down the steps, and made it out the front door, pressed the unlock \button on my keyring, and popped the trunk, a man stepped out from behind another car. He said "Ma'am, please let me get that for you. Let me please take that from you." Just as he took it from my weakened, shaking arms, I knew that he had come just as my shoulders and the rest of my body had given up. The old body had said, "that's it, I'm done, just leave me here, let someone else take care of it. I cannot do anymore!"  I said thank you, as though God had heard me praying moments earlier when I said, "God where is everyone that works here? Please let someone show up to help me." He asked how much more I had to bring out to the car. I told him that there were 4 more loads, up on the second floor, but that I didn't expect him to get them for me. I told him that I didn't have any money to give him for a tip even. I knew he didn't work there. Who was he? I asked him who he was because I had never seen him before. Had he come out for the health fair. He told me that he took a job shining the men's shoes when they came to the gym to work out. He said it wasn't much of a job, but it was an honest living. He said he would be there every night to shine shoes, right by the front door. 

There were a few things about this man that struck me as odd. First of all, I had never seen him there before. Secondly, I wondered who he worked for.  Did he actually work for Gold's Gym?  Then I thought that I never really see that many people even come to the gym in dress clothes/shoes. Did they drop their shoes off at the door while they worked out. None of it made much sense.  He followed me in, and there was a peace that poured from his soul that you literally could almost see it with your eyes. I had never met anyone like him before. He went upstairs 4 more times and carried each box and the table out to the car.  I told him that he came to me just in time. I said that I almost didn't make it. I was about to collapse. He said he was there just for me. He said, "whenever you need me, just call and I'll be right here." He gave me a business card with the letters V.I.P. written on the front and a phone number on the back. Again I told him that I was so sorry that I had nothing for him. He said he didn't want anything, he just wanted to make sure that I got everything into my car without any troubles, to make it easier on me. He said that things had been hard enough for me.

When I left there that night, I told Jim all about him. I asked Jim if he ever saw the man that shines shoes while you work out. Jim said to me, "who would get their shoes shined while you work out." That didn't seem like a very lucrative business to Jim either. He said that when he would work out at night, hardly anyone came to the gym dressed up, and if they did, he didn't think that anyone would just leave their shoes at the front door with a total stranger.  He also said that he had never seen him before. I asked him for months after that, and there was still no man that shines shoes.

If you don't believe in angels, you should. You have no idea how I felt that day. I literally could not go any further. I don't know how I would have gotten that stuff down the steps and into my car without his help, and no one seems to know who he was. No one saw him. No one knew of a man shining shoes that day or any day for that matter.

So what does this so-called angel look like? Well, he was about 5 feet 7 inches tall, African American, long dreadlocks, wearing a black vest with a white t-shirt and a black fidora. Is that not what you thought an angel looked like. Well this is what my guardian angel looked like. And as a matter of fact, after we moved to Georgia, and I was having a tough time adjusting and adapting, I would see him everywhere in the corner of my eye. When I would turn to look, he would disappear.

So, if you still don't believe in angels, that is your choice, but I certainly do.  Thanks to mine, I was able to make it to my surgery that year without collapsing.

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear, To Whom God's Love.......
Ever This Day Be At My Side...
To Guard...To Guide...Amen

Waiting for Our Baby...Let Go And Let God!

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what He wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

                                                  - Russell Kelfer

(See our Adoption Website)

Yes, I am a believer that there is a plan made before we are born. As a matter of fact, I believe that each one of us makes our very own plan, blueprints of our life on earth if you will. God may help us to write our chart if we ask Him to, but since I believe that we have the choice to keep coming back if we feel the need to gain more knowledge that we may need on the Other Side, after a few times we probably get the hang of it.  I know that in my plan, I wrote that obviously I would be sick. This would be one of my crosses to bear, and of course it would be a very, very heavy cross made of the heaviest, rarest types of metals found on the planet, making my chronic illness even worse and causing me to tire easier and become more fatigued than I could have possibly even imagined when I wrote it in my chart. Also, I wrote in my chart that I would continue to be tested about my ability to step aside and allow God to be in control of the way my life is supposed to go. Although, I believe our charts are written, we have to make decisions of which way to go on each path. We may end up taking a much longer than needed route because we may have taken a wrong turn along the way. It's not always easy to know which way to turn, which direction to go, but if we look for God's signs that may be written, spoken, sung and even hidden we'll get to where we are supposed to end up.

I've mentioned this before in my blog that I believe we choose really hard lives when we are nearing the end of our lives on earth. So, for me, I'm sure I don't think I'll be coming back many more times after this one. I think I chose to take on so much because I knew I wasn't gonna come back many more times. I knew I had to squeeze as much as possible in this life. I think the biggest thing I needed to learn on earth that I must have been unable to learn in previous lives, so I just keep coming back to take it on, is this control thing. Let's face it, after the many times of coming back--which must have been a lot for me--I still can't quite give up the need to be in control of everything. And just to give you a little more info, I also believe that the first few times that we come to earth, we choose easy lives to start the learning easier. Then we can begin to make the times we come back harder each time. When they begin to get really hard, you know that you are just about done, that you just want to stop and go Home.  

So for me the knowledge of learning how to let go of the control has been the most difficult. It has interfered in every aspect of my life from family to work to my health.  I have always felt like I had to control absolutely everything in my life that I ended up with high blood pressure, trouble sleeping, obsessive compulsive behaviors, constantly worrying about things that are irrational, getting several forms of arthritis and other joint and connective tissue diseases, getting many eye diseases, being diagnosed with stomach problems, and constantly fatiguing and wearing down. 

On this day, mother's day, I'm doing a lot of thinking about the control thing because it has been a hard thing for me to do. It has been so hard to hand over all my power, to say "here is all of my information" to the facilitator and have them do their job, and then "let go and let God."  I have to face it, there is really nothing else I can do but pray.  God will let me know if I need to do anything else in this adoption journey.  The problem for me is that as we wait, time becomes an issue--the more waiting, the more time there is, so the more I start thinking. When I start thinking, I start looking for ways to get involved, or take control of the adoption. Maybe that is why it has taken us 6 years to adopt,  and 7+ years so far to have a child in general. Maybe I need to master this lesson before we adopt our child.  

This means that I need to do the following while we wait for our child:

1) Not worry so much during my recovery that when Jim and others do the dishes for me they may use the "green is clean" sponge on contaminated dishes instead of the "brown is dirty" sponge.

2) Not stress out if people see our house unclean. I can't clean it right now, so I have to chill.

3) Not freak out if Jim puts dishes away in the wrong spot, and if he does, keep myself from reorganizing them the way I like them.

4) Try to relax when all the items in the cabinets, fridge and shower/tub don't have the labels facing out.

5) Keep telling myself that it's OK when the adoption coordinator says they are doing everything to find a match and that we (or rather I) don't have to do anything but tell people that we are adopting.

6) Try to put more trust in God that he knows what's best and he's in control.

7) Try to trust more in myself that letting go of responsibilities doesn't make me weak.

8) Try to trust in others. When they are offering to help, I should let them.

9) I should try to be more assertive. People are so used to me doing everything, that they aren't used to me standing up and saying, "NO! Could you help me out please?" 

 

My Calling....Confirmed...Validated...Check and Check!

I have known for at least 2 years now what my calling in life is. I'm not talking about getting married and having a family, our decision to adopt a baby. I'm talking about why I started this blog in the first place. I've always had something inside of me that pulled me in a direction spiritually. I've been focusing on it for a while now, and finally I feeling like my calling has been confirmed and validated.

My brother's girlfriend, now fiancee, called me before they came in town to visit. She wanted to let me know the dates they would be coming in town. I asked her if there was something in particular that she wanted to do while she was in town. She said that every time she (Beth) and Ricky went out of town, they would take the Ghost Tour in that city or town. She recommended we do that. Well, I looked into it, and I didn't think I wanted to take the Downtown Atlanta Ghost Tour. It just didn't interest me. The other cities weren't that close to where I live. The one that takes place in my city is The Decatur Ghost Tour. I made reservations for the four of us--myself, my hubby, Ricky and Beth.

It turned out that we went to the ghost tour on Friday, April 30th. It was the last day of the month, and it was a gorgeous night. It was warm enough to go sleeveless. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. The day before, Ricky and Beth got engaged. We were all in good spirits--ha ha ha, I said spirits! OK, OK, back to the night of the ghost tour. We were originally supposed to go to the baseball game. The Braves were playing the Astros, and Jim always watches the Astros when they're in town. Beth did not want to go to the game, and it was supposed to be thunderstorms that night. So we rescheduled the ballgame for Saturday, and set out for the ghost tour.

Jim was not excited at all. He really did not want to go at all, but he went because he knew I wanted him to go with me. So he took a nap when he got home from work, and Beth, Ricky , and myself went to Siam, the Thai restaurant in downtown Decatur. We all met up at the bandstand in the middle of downtown Decatur. The two tour guides were there 15 minutes early to collect our payment and for us to sign a waiver in case someone got hurt because it's a 2 hour walk through the streets and a cemetary. Anything could happen technically. Beth thought that signing a waiver was scary, and kept insisting it was because we could get possessed! I kept telling her that before we left the house I said a meditation prayer that the white light of the Holy Spirit would surround us and protect us from anything during the ghost tour whether it be of this world or of the Other Side. I know that Beth thinks I'm a witch or something. She loves to get scared, but she doesn't understand that this kind of stuff, to me, is so much more. The paranormal is spiritual to me, not just something to get scared over!

Anyway, when the tour guides were introducing themselves to us, I knew I was supposed to be there that night! I even think I'm supposed to go back to learn more about myself!!!! The first tour guide's name was Teri Rice, and she is a paranormal photographer. She is also a filmaker. She brought up the rear of the tour group. The other tour guide's name was Boo Newell, and she is a psychic, medium and animal communicator. She told us that she is clairvoyant, and she can actually see the ghosts on the tour. I said that I have clairsentience. I said I cannot see or hear the spirits and ghosts, but there are things that I just know. She said that during the tour, if I felt anything to run it by her, and she would help to confirm my feelings.

And so the tour began...with only our group because the other group cancelled. So it was basically a private tour!

We began the tour at the County Court House, then we moved along to the Church across the street. We began to get pics with orbs in them at the Church. (Of course when we went back to look at our pics, we noticed that one of our pics of the Court House also had an orb in it, but since it was still daylight, and the brick was light in color it was hard to notice).

 

We moved on to the next Church. She began talking about a minister that had an affair with a lay person and was excommunicated. As she spoke about him, I was drawn to a window...I told Jim to begin taking shots of that window. She then said that he was looking out that very window as we were standing there in ghost form. She said he uses it as his pulpit. He says things like "walk the straight and narrow," etc. I told Boo that I was drawn to that window before she even said that was the window he was looking out! She said to go with those feelings. She said that with my strong sensitivities and with how strong the sensitivities are in these areas of downtown Decatur, I will notice that I have more than I ever even knew I had!
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 After that, we walked on a ways toward the Decatur Cemetary. We found out that it is even older than Atlanta's Oakland Cemetary. I never knew that! As I entered the front gates, I found it almost hard to breathe, as though I was suffocating. I also felt my heart pounding and could feel my heart beating in my neck.

We entered, and Boo stopped us every once in a while to tell us about the history as well as a good spot to take a pic because it was a hot spot for orbs.  I also would tell Jim to take pics at certain spots because I felt like I was drawn to certain areas. Those areas also had orbs show up on our pics as well. One pic in particular had a strange foggy image. I'm not sure what it was. I don't know if I ever will actually.

Right after this we came across 25 small graves. Before Boo could tell us what they were for, I said that I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness, a heaviness. It felt like a feeling of waiting and waiting for something that would never happen...That is when Boo said these were the gravestones of 25 orphaned children. She said that although they still run around and play, they are still waiting for someone to adopt them. They never were adopted and given a forever-home! So that explains those heavy, sad, waiting feelings that I felt...

We began to head toward the railroad tracks and the quarry.  That is when Boo began to walk next to me. She said that her Spirit Guides weren't letting her ignore speaking to me. She talked about how I needed overcome the death of my Energy Healer Instructor and move on with what I was once doing. She said that I had many other abilities besides the clairsentience.  She asked about some of them. I explained my dreams, the astral projection, the hot hands for healing energy, etc. That is when she said that I shouldn't be afraid of my gifts.  She said that her Guides are telling her that I am definitely meant for something good, but I have to go back to working on them again to be able to help people.  She said that her Guides said that my calling is to be a Medical Intuitive. I told her that I knew this. Not only have I been told this many times, my Guide have also told me, everything points in that direction, and I just can't hide from it anymore. That is when I said, I know this, but how do I do this exactly. I had an instructor who passed away, and I was left basically in the cold...She told me to get back with another Energy Group like I was with before to work on my gifts and abilities. She said to remember "Forever and A Day."  She said this was the name of her group that meets in Woodstock. She said it is far from where I live, but they work on that type of stuff all the time. So I'm on my right path. I know this. Getting to my goal is another story, but I'll get there if it takes "forever and a day."

My Animal Totems...

I am going to go over the different types of animal totems that go in and out of my life and why.

SHADOW ANIMAL TOTEM:  It tests me. I have been attracted to this animal at some point.  It gives me a very vivid test to see if I am ready to accept the power of the animal totem.  Until I face the fears of the animal totem, its powers will work against me.  When I overcome the fear of the shadow animal totem, I bring it into the light world as a spirit animal totem, and it becomes one of my most powerful animal totems.  My goal with a shadow animal totem is to learn the lessons and incorporate them into my life.   If I am scared by something over and over then I still have not accepted the lesson that totem animal has for me.

       Cat/Leopard:  It has strong intuitive abilities.    Learning to trust and respond to their inner instinct is part of my life lesson.   It is highly sensitive.  I need to pay attention to what it feels and respond accordingly.  It has difficulty confronting conflict head on. Although it has a strong body it needs to learn how to release pent up anger.  Frustrations and other emotions, or physical health issues related to its limbs or skeleton occur.  When leopard energy is kept in and not let out, arthritic type symptoms incur.   I should do cat-like movement like dance or tai-chi. It is associated with myth, lore, magic, mystery, nine lives, curiosity, independence, cleverness, unpredictability, and healing.  It is at home in the dark, and an ally to the supernatural.  Since I have this totem, I should move through my fears efficiently.  The energy field of a cat rotates counterclockwise, the opposite of human energy.  It has the ability to absorb and neutralize energy that affects humans in a negative way, x-ray vision, acute hearing, and high intelligence. It is a guardian and protector and can ward off evil.  If a cat appears in my life, there is a blending of magic and mystery.  It is a trustworthy teacher and guides in self-discovery and transformation.

This totem tends to come in and out of my life when I am in need of self-discovery and change.

JOURNEY ANIMAL TOTEM:  It reflects a period of time, the time it takes to walk the path the journey animal totem is reminding or guiding me on.  During this journey I will find out that this animal is always showing up in my life (or several animals) all to guide me on the path.  When I find 1, 2 or 3 animals all of a sudden making an appearance, and their nature all has the same basis, then I have found the basis of my path.  Journey animal will slip in and out of my life over the course of a period. 

     Chipmunk:  It shows trust, is very curious, explores, is inquisitive, fearless, playful, does what it wants in its own time frame, is quite vocal, draws attention, will not tolerate being told what to do and when to do it, and is a good leader and spokesperson. When it is 12 wks old it can be on its own. As a person with this totem, my cycles occur every 12 wks or mos, I am always in a hurry, and I have no detail that goes unnoticed. This totem teaches art of observation, independence, certainty, leads me to unexplored territory, and a detailed mind leaves no stone unturned.  This totem is a messenger of many realms and of self-discovery.

      Squirrels: They are busy, with endless energy, focused on one task, agile, quick, constantly preparing for the future, having the tendency to forget where they store things. This totem is a reminder to slow down, pay attention, be more sociable, more communicative, more vocal in work and play, to disturb the silence, and to have an air of distraction and chaos.  Since I am disturbed by their chatter, then I need to speak clearly and effectively or to go within and be still, reserve my energy, ready myself for change, trust myself, let down my defenses, trust in God, and remember that I will be taken care of.  There should be a balance within the circle of gathering and giving out.

These totems tends to enter my life when I need guidance on a journey or path that I am taking in my life.

LIFE LONG ANIMAL TOTEM:  This animal totem works with me throughout my entire life.  It is always there when I need its powers, always reminding me of my powers and connectivity, and it is always there for me.  It reflects my inner spiritual nature.  It is also called my spiritual totem.

    Wolverine/Wolf:  It is fierce, strong, and a link between our world and the spirit world. Its energy is linked to the underworld and myth. It is born very small and blind.  Smell, feeling and inner sight awakens at a very early age.  It is  insightful and intuitive since birth. It responds to challenges with clarity, focus and persistence, with a deep understanding of personal power. Since it is my animal totem, I ask myself, is personal power serving me appropriately?  It balances personal power. It has a crafty cunning nature with perseverance and focus that keeps it aligned with energies of creation, knows when to act, when to retreat, how to respond and when to become invisible. These are also inherent in myself, the person who holds the animal totem.  A shape-shifter, a scavenger, a not-so-good hunter, can make do with whatever is available, a symbol of the wilderness, a survivor of the elements, a provider of fur for parka and hoods because it is very durable, a solitary creature, with tremendous physical endurance, that rarely attacks any predator larger than itself and only when food is needed. Because I have that animal totem, I go the distance and acquire that which I seek.  When this is fully developed, I can survive any situation.  Because of shape-shifting, it does not just involve the physical realm.  It involves challenges associated with mental clarity, emotional balance and spiritual understanding.  A master teacher with a great variety of skills would tell me that to take a serious look at my life and change anything that does not utilize my personal power for the good of myself and others.

Although this totem is always present, I will notice it in my life when I need focus, clarity, and to know that I'm using my personal power for the good of others and myself.

MESSAGE ANIMAL TOTEM: This is usually bringing me a self-growth spiritual message or a cautionary message, a wake-up call or a slap in the face.  It is usually a very unusual experience, very powerful and impartial, a brief period of time or immediate, causing a delay in my life.  When trying to leave, it is in assistance to go somewhere, or to assure I am not in a place at a certain time so as to be somewhere else or to miss something that would be of harm.

  

   Cardinal: This is a power-packed bird. It transforms and awakens me. Its eggs are laid by the female which hatch in 12 days.  It is a year round resident. Since it is my animal totem, I expect rhythmic change to occur every 12 d, 12wks, 12 mos, etc.  I use its medicine when needed.  When I hear its sharp loud whistle that penetrates the air demanding my attention, both male and female, this whistle is urging me to blend my male and female characteristics.  The feminine energy is intuition, and the male energy is perseverance.   With both balanced, I can reach my dreams and goals. The cardinal eats decaying plants and dying insects, so I pay attention to my diet; past life ties to overindulgence or poisonings.  Red is symbolic of the blood or life force of Jesus Christ, or kundalini; it lies dormant until activated by a disciplined spiritual practice.  The cardinal offers safe passage into the world of personal power if I ask for its help.  When I step onto this spiritual path, there is no turning back.  There is either a deep love or hatred toward religion and churches amongst this animal totem people, indicating a past life connection with one.   I must express my truth, develop confidence and walk my talk; it will lead me Home if I respect its teachings.

    Ladybug:  There are several generations produced each summer.  They hold energies of renewal and regeneration.  They are a family oriented with strong moral and social values.  They are beetles dedicated to the Virgin Mary, spiritual idealism and religious devotion.   Past lives are associated with religion or the church with this totem.  Daily prayer or meditation is recommended to release my worry and enjoy my life to the fullest; let go and let God. Ladybugs often have parasites, so with this totem, I often have digestive problems.  The ladybug stirs a feeling of joy. They have a delicate and loving nature, an energy of harmlessness, are protected from predators, feel vibrations, are fearless messengers of promise, and joys of living.  As my animal totem, I should release my fears and return to love, restore my faith and trust in God, initiate change where needed most, and get out of my own way and allow God to enter.

These totems come in and out of my life when I need spiritual self-growth, to restore my faith and trust in God and make the necessary changes.  Sometimes I need to redevelop my confidence in myself.  Also, I sometimes need to get out of my own way to allow God to enter. This is the time to let go and let God.